


Walking on the Green Grass

by ofcorsetstrash



Series: The Red Wolf [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Injured Hux, M/M, Medical Procedures, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-28 15:06:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6333778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofcorsetstrash/pseuds/ofcorsetstrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux may never be free of Starkiller's ice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When are you gonna come down? When are you going to land?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These boys are far too young to be singing such sad, sad songs.

Leia felt her heart in her throat as she watched the _Millennium Falcon_ touch on the landing, the frame shuddering. How many times had she watched her boys fly away with brightness in their eyes? And how many times had they returned, somewhat dulled perhaps but still hers and still bright?

 

But this time, oh this time…

 

She had never felt anything quite like that moment she felt her son in agony, screaming, pleading for mercy, for relief. Deep in his heart of hearts, begging his mother to come and save him...

 

Han had already been on his way to Ben. That was most likely a good thing. She was glad he hadn’t been here for her. He didn’t need to see her like that. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to show weakness, she told herself. It was because Han needed her to be strong when it came to such things, to the Force, to the choices their son made. Han needed her. And if she needed him, too, well… that could happen later, behind closed doors.

 

Now. Now she had the best medstaff and medical droids the Resistance had, ready to help those on the old ship. Take care of the practical things, first.

 

The ramp lowered. There was Chewbacca, carrying Leia’s universe in his arms. Ben was bloodied, bruised, bandaged, apparently unable to walk, but his eyes were open and he was smiling.

 

His eyes flickered over the team assembled for his aid and then looked to Leia. _I need you first._

 

So Leia strode past the anxious staff. She could grant her son this. His pain still ached in her heart. She could give him anything. It was rare that her small stature was a factor in her life; people often told her that when they went more than a day without seeing her, she grew taller in their minds until the next time they saw her and were surprised by how tiny she actually was. She wished she were big enough now to wrap her arms all the way around both Ben and Chewie. She settled for around half-way.

 

“I’m… I missed you.” She stopped herself before the apology came out, but Ben heard it anyway.

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he whispered. “I’m here. I’m safe, now.”

 

She nodded, letting herself be grateful and weak for just a moment, then dabbed her eyes with Chewie’s fur and smiled at both of them. “It’s about time.”

 

Ben inhaled sharply and stiffened for an instant. “Hux…”

 

Chewie warbled a command to stay still and let other people handle the situation.

 

“Sorry,” murmured Ben, looking for all the world like a scolded child as Chewie hauled him over to a proper stretcher.

 

Leia turned back to the Falcon to see Han and Finn alighting on solid ground at last, an unconscious red-head slung between them.

 

“Stubborn bastard stayed awake as long as he could,” groused Han. “Couldn’t sleep on the ship and _then_ be awake to walk yourself off, could you?”

 

“Han,” Leia nodded in greeting. “I think you are getting grouchy in your old age.”

 

Han smirked. “As much as I’d love to stand here and let you insult me, Princess, this guy needs help, _fast_.”

 

Leia motioned a droid forward with another stretcher. “What happened to him?”

 

“General Red here ran out onto a dying planet, in the snow, where the heat from the nearby star was disappearing, to try to find Ben. As far as I can tell…” Han and Finn both sighed and stretched their shoulders after they set the former General down. “Ben’s power was protecting him from the worst of it, so he was only exposed for a minute or two. But Red had some pretty nasty hypothermia going when we found them. Any longer and he would have died. He almost did a couple of times anyway. Ben’s got more injuries, but Red…” Han shook his head. “I’m no medical specialist, but it’s going to take him a while to come back. If he ever really does. I didn’t say anything to either one of them, but-”

 

“But Ben probably knows anyway,” Leia finished.

 

Han sighed. “It would be nice to have the luxury of secrets, sometimes.”

 

“At least he’s nice enough to pretend, sometimes.”

  
Han and Leia watched as Ben and Hux disappeared into the base.

 

"It's gonna be alright, your Worshipfulness."

 

Leia twined her fingers with Han's. "It felt like it took forever for you to bring him home. What if-"

 

"Don't think about it. Leia, it's gonna be alright."

 

The sun began to rise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SAINT: Fully outlined and thoughtfully crafted. Every word measured and weighed, carefully selected. Layers of symbolism and metaphor encompassing the text itself, exploring complex themes like identity, learned helplessness, the meaning of fear, repetitive compulsive thoughts, knowledge vs faith, and the dangers of blind belief. Chapter 4 might be one of my favorite things I’ve ever written.
> 
> Me: *Not bad face*
> 
> RED WOLF: lol idk Batman, Daredevil, and the Scarlet Pimpernel walk into a bar. These are actually all just one man. That man? Matt the Radar Technician.
> 
> Me: LETS MAKE THIS A SERIES


	2. Water Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eyes of shadow-water  
> Eyes of well-water  
> Eyes of dream-water  
> Flowing forward, forward, darkening you

Hux swam into consciousness, drifting slowly to the surface, letting the waves carry him. He didn’t open his eyes at first. There was the comforting weight of soft blankets over him, the mattress below him a little less firm than he would have liked, but he wasn’t about to complain. It was quiet, only faint electronic beeps and buzzes nearby, though when he listened more intently, he could hear someone breathing besides himself.

 

Opening his eyes, he blinked away the last of sleep in dim light. The lights of a row of monitors next to his bed showed several numbers that meant very little to him. Above him, a soft yellow strip of lights let him see the shape of the room, but in little detail. There was a window. Focusing, he could make out stars in the night sky. To his right, across the room, was another bed. Huddled under blankets and breathing deeply and evenly, his face was half-covered in bandages, but Hux would recognize those features if he were blind. If his hands were cut off and all his senses robbed from him, Hux would still know in his bones whenever he was near Ben.

 

A slightly louder beeping startled Hux, drawing his attention back to the monitors. He wished he could make sense of the displays, could decipher the information they were showing. They were different from the medical equipment in use on the _Finalizer_ and Starkiller.

 

A door to a brightly-lit space opened, and Hux had to close his eyes against the light. He heard it close, and he looked up to see who had entered.

 

She was petite, plainly dressed, and moved with a dignity and grace that belied the gray in her hair. Her face was oval and quite beautiful, her dark, intelligent eyes pulling focus away from the age she carried. Purposeful and confident, she walked to his bedside and peered at the monitors.

 

“I’m glad you are awake,” she said, her voice pitched low and quiet, but still strong. “Ben was starting to get… difficult.” She smiled and reached behind Hux. “Here. You should drink this.” She handed Hux a glass of water. Gratefully, he accepted and drank.

 

“Thank you,” he said. Hux wasn’t quite sure how he was supposed to handle the situation. “I’m guessing I’m at some kind of Republic hospital.”

 

She pulled a chair from next to the wall over to Hux’s bedside. “You are at the Resistance base on D’Qar. Han brought you and Ben here after Starkiller collapsed. Which, I hear, was mostly thanks to your efforts.”

 

Hux didn’t want to talk or think about Starkiller right now. It had been his, and he killed it. “Are you on the medstaff here?” He asked, trying to redirect the conversation.

 

She chuckled quietly. “No. I’m just a meddlesome, concerned mother.”

 

Hux had been attempting to take another drink of water. That proceeded to fail. He was grateful he only choked on it, rather than spitting it everywhere. Small mercies, he supposed.

 

The monitors were beeping again, and General Organa was examining them intently as Hux composed himself. Eventually, he managed to speak again. “My apologies, General,” he said. “It is an honor to finally meet you.”

 

She met his eyes and grinned. “Thank you. You and I have only been opponents, until now. I look forward to getting to know you in a different capacity.”

 

Hux fiddled with the edge of his blankets. “Your organization of the conflict at the T57 asteroid field was masterful. The idea to disguise the freighters using the electromagnetic photon converters was brilliant.”

 

She raised a hand to her heart. “You’re going to make me blush,” she said. “That was a last-minute improvisation.”

 

Hux nodded. “The ability to improvise stratagem is something that many can only aspire to. It takes a thorough knowledge of tactics as well as a natural creativity. Many leaders of the First Order would do well to learn from your example. I myself have used your example in the Battle of Ghosia in training scenarios.”

 

General Organa laughed again, her hand over her mouth. “I wish I could claim the idea to re-wire the ventral cannons was my idea, but credit for that goes to Admiral Ackbar. My only contribution was to plan the ambush.”

 

“An admirable accomplishment on its own.”

 

General Organa let out a small, happy sigh. “As much as I would love to sit here and let you compliment me all night,” Hux felt his face grow warm with embarrassment. Perhaps he was not as awake as he thought he was, with the way words were spilling out of him. “We have a few important things we need to discuss.”

 

Her smile faded and she straightened her shoulders. Her bearing was noble. Hux could see how she could lead the Resistance almost entirely on willpower. “Ben has told me a great deal about you,” she said. “Affection may color his perceptions, somewhat, but I trust his judgements. Your actions on Starkiller have made you a traitor to the First Order.”

 

It was harder than Hux thought it would be, hearing that from someone other than himself. “Yes.”

 

“It is to your advantage, then,” she continued. “That they have declared you dead. Lost in the destruction. They’ve even claimed you as a martyr of their cause.”

 

“Oh.” Hux blinked. “That’s… better than being hunted down, I suppose.”

 

“Were it that easy,” said Organa. “There is the possibility that Snoke knows that you still live. And if he knows, the Knights of Ren will know.”

 

Hux let himself imagine Keno Ren hunting him down, her face cold and unmerciful behind her mask as she cut him down.

 

“The Resistance will do what we can to keep you safe as you recover,” Organa continued. “You have made many choices, and you have many more in the future.”

 

“What am I recovering from? I was not injured on Starkiller.”

 

Organa’s gaze was unreadable for a moment. “Hypothermia. You were subjected to… profound cold on Starkiller. Ben’s abilities worked to protect him, but you were left exposed. Your organs began to shut down. Your heart stopped beating more than once.”

 

As if in response, Hux felt his heart flutter. The monitors beeped again. At least now he knew what they were keeping track of.

 

“There was some frostbite, as well, but not very severe, luckily. We didn’t end up having to amputate anything. Ben was… “ A strange look crossed her face, amused and alarmed at the same time. “Very insistent that we do everything possible to avoid that. He said that cybernetics were very nice and very practical, but that he liked your hands just the way they were.”

 

Hux felt his face heat again. “Oh,” he managed, and cleared his throat. “I’m... glad I still have all of my extremities, as well.”

 

Organa gave him a wicked grin, and Hux blushed even harder. This was… not how he imagined his first conversation with General Leia Organa would go. “So,” he struck out for safer ground. “Anything else I need to be informed of?”

 

“A great deal,” said Organa. “I will… attempt to prioritize information for you. Ben… feels strongly about you. And, given your actions, I guess that there is at least some degree of reciprocation.”

 

Hux set his jaw and refused to look away. General Organa, however, seemed to be looking out the window, now. Up to the stars. “I cannot in good conscience allow you to continue on your path uninformed,” she said quietly. “There is… too much danger and darkness in the galaxy for you to… be a part of my son’s life without knowing… “ She sighed. “You have seen some of it. Flashes. Little bits here and there.”

 

She turned her head to look straight through him. “Does the name ‘Anakin Skywalker’ mean anything to you?”

 

Hux closed his eyes and searched his memory. “I’ve heard the name _Luke_ Skywalker. He’s the Rebel who assassinated Emperor Palpatine. He instigated the fall of the Empire.” Hux met General Organa’s gaze once again. “I presume there’s some relation.”

 

“Interesting,” mused Organa. “Snoke even keeps the highest in his command in the dark.”

 

The way she said the word _dark_ made Hux’s skin crawl. “What does the Supreme Leader have to do with this?” _With Ben?_

 

“More than I care for.” The corners of Organa’s mouth were turned down. “Hux. I want to tell you the story of Anakin Skywalker. Snoke would rather that no-one knew it. He will kill you, if you hear it.”

 

Hux shrugged. “I’m a traitor. He wants me dead anyway.”

 

“True. This knowledge, however, could change the… _duration_ of your death, should he capture you. Do you still accept?”

 

Hux gave this due consideration. He enjoyed the way she spoke, direct and with great measure behind each word. “I accept.”

 

“Very well,” she said. “Anakin Skywalker was a young boy rescued from slavery by the Jedi. Their reason was not altruistic. They wanted to train him in the ways of the Force.”

 

She tipped her head, her eyes drifting with her thoughts. “The Force is power… energy… it flows in and around everything in the universe. Some people are… more sensitive to it than others. And a very small number of people can manipulate it, bend it to their will. You have seen more than one demonstration of this.”

 

Empty air turned to choking hands. A body thrown across a room like a doll. Ben pulling his secrets from his head by the teeth. Hux gave a very small nod of acknowledgment.

 

General Organa gave him a strangely playful smile. “The Jedi were, and are, followers of the Light side of the Force. The structure of the order has led many to believe that Jedi are strictly ascetic monks of some kind. In some ways this is true; the Jedi dedicate themselves to lives of peace, self-discipline, and service to others. This helps them maintain their connection to the Force.”

 

Hux gazed across the room to where Ben slept, his hair fanned across the pillow. “Keno Ren said that Ben was a very poor Jedi.”

 

General Organa laughed. It took years off her face and made her look more like her son. “It may be true that he has struggles with some of the guidelines of the order,” she said. “If you ask me, that struggle has only made him stronger.”

 

The two of them watched Ben sleep for a moment, their faces fond.

 

“Anakin Skywalker,” continued Organa. “Was a man of… extremes. As a Jedi, he became well-known and well-respected. He was a skilled warrior, a gifted pilot, and even rose to the rank of General in the Grand Army of the Republic while fighting in the Clone Wars. On the other hand… He lived a life of fear, torment and suffering. With all that he had gained, he feared he would lose it all. In particular, he was plagued by visions of the death of his wife, Padmé Amidala.”

 

So that was the puzzle piece. “This… Anakin Skywalker is the grandfather that Ben told me about.”

 

Organa nodded, her face solemn, now. “Yes. Anakin and Padmé were my parents by birth. To summarize a very long story, his fears led him to fall to the Dark side, to abandon the Jedi Order and all he had worked to uphold. He slaughtered innocents, even children in cold blood, all because he was convinced it would save Padmé. In the end, he attacked her himself in the belief that she had somehow betrayed him. She lived only long enough to give birth to my brother and I, though Anakin believed for a long time that we had died with her.”

 

“Your brother is Luke Skywalker, I presume.”

 

“What do you know of him?”

 

“Only that he killed the Emperor and is an enemy of the First Order.”

 

Organa smiled broadly again. “Half right. Anakin Skywalker killed Palpatine, not Luke.”

 

Hux frowned. “That… is not what I have always been told. I’d never even heard of this Anakin before today.”

 

“You have, actually, heard of him.” It was her eyes, Hux determined. Ben had her eyes. “The remnants of the fallen Empire could hardly let its followers know what had really happened, that one of their own, one of their most recognized commanders had betrayed the Emperor to save his son. In his last moments of life, Darth Vader became Anakin Skywalker once again.”

 

Hux stared at her. “Darth Vader.”

 

She grinned. “Yes.”

 

“The Right-Hand and Enforcer of Emperor Palpatine.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Commander of the 501st, Lord of Terror, Vader the Accursed, Black Knight of the Imperial Navy. That Darth Vader.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Hux sighed. “Alright. As long as we are both talking about the same person.” He started organizing the information and filing it away in his mind. He could go over all of this and react to it later.

 

“It’s very late,” said Organa. “I would stay here, but I am an old woman and I need my sleep.”

 

“Surely you are not that old.”

 

She scoffed. “You should leave the attempts at charm to those better suited to it.” She stood and stretched. “You should sleep as well. There will be time enough for more questions. If there is anything you want to know, you can ask either Ben or myself. You could ask Han, too, if you want to hear his grossly exaggerated version of things.”

 

Hux made himself lay back on the pillow. It smelled of medicine and sweat. “Thank you, General, for sharing that story.”

 

Another unreadable look. Hux entertained the notion that Ben learned how to read minds just to deal with his mother. “Goodnight,” she said, and left the room.

 

It was only Hux and Ben left in the quiet and the starlight. Hux was shocked the big idiot had slept through all of that. When Ben didn’t even stir to correct that thought, Hux smiled. He was very tired, he realized, his bones aching with weariness,

  
Settling his mind, Hux let himself fall asleep counting Ben’s breaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux fan-boying over Leia is my jam.


	3. I am the son of a lost country, of a new world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hold my hand  
> Hold my hand  
> My heart is tired

Cold. Ice was frosting his tendons, coating his bones. Hux shivered himself awake. Only one part of his body felt warm: his right hand.

 

He opened his eyes to soft golden sunlight and tried to blink away the shadows.

 

“Good morning.”

 

Hux peered over at the smile next to him. Someone had taken the bandages off of Ben’s face. A ragged, angry new scar did little to keep Ben from giving him the sweetest, most heartbreaking smile he had ever seen.

 

“Wipe that stupid, vapid grin off your face, Organa,” Hux ground out between his teeth. “It makes you look more brain-dead than usual.”

 

A loud, booming laugh took Hux by surprise. He hadn’t noticed the other person in the room, and berated himself for losing his edge.

 

“It’s probably just the medications,” supplied Ben.

 

“Did I fucking ask you?” Hux snarled.

 

Poe Dameron poked at Ben with one finger. “Hey, Ben, I can see why you like this guy. He’s never going to just put up with your bullshit.”

 

Medication _would_ explain the fuzziness in Hux’s head, the way he was slowly coming to. Usually he was able to wake himself up quickly and efficiently. Still, through the dissipating fog, he was able to take in the room better.

 

The sun was up, the light softened by thin white curtains. Ben’s bed, which had been on the other side of the room last night, was now pushed over to be side-by-side with Hux’s, which explained how Ben had been able to hold his hand for so long. Across Ben’s bed, his chair pulled up to rest his elbows on the mattress, was Dameron, his grin threatening to split his face.

 

“Well, General Red, it seems you caught your wolf,” he laughed. Hux bristled.

 

“Poe,” said Ben reproachfully. “What did I _just_ say five minutes ago?”

 

Dameron shrugged. “What can I say? I am a weak, weak man.”

 

Hux leveled his coldest glare at Dameron. The one that struck terror into the hearts of his subordinates. “So… this is what I get to look forward to with the Resistance. Mockery and scorn. I suppose it’s no more than I deserve as a traitor.”

 

To his credit, Dameron managed to look somewhat ashamed. “Damn,” he said. “I didn’t… “ He sighed. “Sorry, Red. I’ll try to find other things to tease you about. And don’t worry. Not very many people know who the Red Wolf is, to be honest. Just us, the General, Finn, Han and Chewie. Everyone else just thinks Ben is an accident-prone dandy.”

 

“You mean he isn’t?” Dameron laughed again. Ben sighed, forlorn, and Hux frowned. “While you’re at it, you can stop calling me that.”

 

“What, _Red_?” Dameron smiled. “I, uh, I’ll try, I guess. If you’re going to take advantage of your ‘death’, though, you’ll have to come up with something we can all call you other than ‘Hux’.”

 

Hux looked over at Ben, who shrugged at him. Not much help there. “I’ll deal with that later,” Hux said.

 

Dameron’s face brightened. “Oh! Almost forgot!” He reached into a pocket of his vest and pulled out a slight squished-looking package wrapped in brown paper. “Got this on that mission on Yavin 4.” He tossed it on Ben’s bed with a smile. “Just a little get-well thing from Rapier Squadron. You guys can share.”

 

The door opened and a large man built like a stack of bricks shouldered his way past the doorframe. “Organa,” he growled out like he was gargling gravel. “Get back to your own side of the room.”

 

Ben heaved a dramatic sigh. “Fine. Move, Poe.” Hux kept a wary eye on the newcomer while Poe scampered out of the way. With seemingly great reluctance, Ben finally let go of Hux’s hand. Hux stuck it under the blanket quickly. It lost heat fast without that contact.

 

Closing his eyes, Ben took a steadying breath. Hux watched in fascination as the bed scraped its way back across the floor to its earlier position.

 

“Fascinating,” Hux heard himself whisper.

 

The unidentified man approached Hux with a rolling gait. Hux stiffened, bracing himself.

 

“It’s alright, Hux,” Ben said, his voice gentle. “This is Doj. He’s the best medic in the Resistance. Even if he doesn’t look it.”

 

“Just ‘cause a man’s got the look of a rancor-wrangler doesn’t make him one,” Doj grated out in that rough, angry tone. He peered intently at the monitors over Hux’s bed. “Have you been sleeping well?”

 

Hux forced his teeth to unclench. “Yes.”

 

“Good. Rest is what you need most.” Doj pulled a datapad from his jumpsuit and tapped something in. “Oxygen levels look good. Liver function looks fine. Let me see your hands.”

 

Feeling somewhat like a small child, Hux pulled both his hands from beneath the blanket and held them out. He hadn’t looked at them himself, yet. They looked… not great. The skin was read and peeling, and pale white blisters stood out in contrast. With surprising gentleness, Doj felt at the damaged tissue with his own fingers.

 

“They look a lot better,” said Doj. “The swelling’s almost gone. Chance of infection is lower, though we may still lance some of these. Then we can get some bacta on them and wrap ‘em up. That will help a great deal.”

 

Hux tried to bend his fingers and found them stiff. “I can’t move them well,” he admitted.

 

“They’ll get better quick,” rumbled Doj. “You’ll be back to pulling blaster triggers in no time.”

 

Slightly alarmed, Hux found himself wondering what, exactly, most of the Resistance had been told about him.

 

Doj stepped back and nodded at him. “We’ll get you out of here and blasting holes in the First Order in no time,” he said. “Anything I can get for you boys?”

 

Ben sat up straighter. “He needs two more blankets. Good, thick ones. And some of that tea you brought me earlier.”

 

With a roll of his eyes, Doj swept a mocking bow. “As you command, Your Overwhelming Highness. I’ll send someone with those. In a couple of hours I’ll be back to check on you. Ben. General Red.” And with that, he lumbered out the door, leaving Ben and Dameron giggling like schoolboys.

 

Hux scowled at the two of them. “I don’t see what’s so funny.”

 

Ben smiled fondly. “Sorry,” he said. “You might just have to get used to the nickname.”

 

“If you over-use the word ‘sorry’, your apologies start to sound less sincere.”

 

“...sorry?” Ben chuckled. “But what if I have a lot to apologize for?”

 

“I suppose you’ll have to start groveling, then.” Hux shrugged his shoulders against his pillow. “What do you _mean_ I’ll have to just get used to it?”

 

Dameron laughed _again,_ and Ben gave Hux a beaming grin. He was being so expressive, like he was enjoying having his face un-bandaged. “Well, you know. Han Solo keeps calling you ‘General Red’ all the time, so other people picked it up and it just… kind of spread around.” A small amount of pink rose to his cheeks. “It’s, um, funny, actually. It’s made people, ah, come to some conclusions.”

 

Hux quirked an eyebrow. “What… _conclusions_?”

 

Dameron smirked. Ben’s blush grew more pronounced. “Some people think that _you_ are the Red Wolf.”

 

Some people say that humanity evolved a capacity for humor as a method to deal with the unexpected. You think that the movement in that bush is a predator? Surprise! It is just a small, harmless prey animal. You laugh, because the thing you were expecting is not the same thing as what you received.

 

General Elan Hux did not laugh. Neither did Colonel Hux or Sergeant Hux or Major Hux. Cadet Hux never laughed, either.

 

Hux laughing, therefore, was unexpected. The unexpected laughter lead to more laughter. Which was (still, even more) unexpected.

 

Hux laughed so hard the the scanner at his bedside sounded several alarms, indicating that his body temperature, heart rate, blood pressure all were behaving erratically. The alarms summoned a wild-eyed woman with a syringe in one hand and a protractor in the other. Her appearance was unexpected. Therefore, naturally, Hux laughed even harder. Dameron laughed himself into a collapsed heap on the floor.

 

Ben was laughing, too. Hux was glad. His ribs hurt, his stomach hurt, his chest hurt, his face hurt. His eyes were watering horribly, and his mouth felt dry and gross. His entire being ached from the spasms of laughter. So, it was very good that Ben had been laughing just as hard. That meant that he probably hurt just as badly.

  
It was a good hurt, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case no one has noticed, music is really important to me and I use it a lot as I write. This work in particular, I am using specific songs for each chapter, and using their lyrics and/or approximations of their lyrics as the titles and summaries.
> 
> Work title: Walking on the Green Grass (I can't remember who it's by, and I couldn't find it anywhere when I googled it, but I think it's a French Madrigal song)
> 
> Chapter 1: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road by Elton John (I really like Emily Keener's version)
> 
> Chapter 2: Water Night by Eric Whitacre
> 
> Chapter 3: Is There Anyone Out There? by Delta Rae (this song is now Ben Solo's song in my head. it fits him so well in ANY version of canon or even au)
> 
> Chapter 4: A Boy and a Girl by Eric Whitacre
> 
> Chapter 5: With a Lily in Your Hand by Eric Whitacre


	4. Kindling Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A boy  
> And his love  
> Stretched out  
> Stretched out on the grass  
> Exchanging kisses  
> Like waves exchange foam

Hux settled himself. The grass tickled at the backs of his hands as he adjusted the sniper blaster rifle. His longest confirmed kill had been as a Corporal, at 1,519 meters. That had only been a simulation, unfortunately. He had often wondered how he would do in a real conflict. There had never been a call for him to be risked on a physical battlefield. While simulations could feel very real at times, he had no doubt that there would be a difference… if only psychologically. Still, he had all the training.

 

The rifle the Resistance armory had found for him was nearly exactly to his specifications, and he could probably modify it in the future. For now, though, he settled his cheek against the stock, gazing down the sight at his target he’d set up, the metal glinting through the trees.

 

Sprawled out on the grass, Hux slowed his breathing. He felt the sun warming his skin, the faint breeze feathering at his bangs. The ground beneath him was cool, soaking up his body heat. He fought down the unnecessary shiver. His eyelashes brushed against the rifle sight. His heartbeat slowed. The thought occurred to him to ask Ben if this is what his meditation with the Force felt like. He quietly put the thought away for later. 

 

Humidity. Wind direction and speed. Elevation. Air pressure. His own breaths. He timed the space between his heartbeats. Even the slight jolt of his pulse could throw off his aim, at such a range. So he waited. For the moment between heartbeats.

 

_ Thud-ud _

 

_... _

 

_ Thud-ud _

 

_ … _

 

_ Thud-ud _

 

_ … _

 

_ Thud-ud _

 

_ Pull the tr(thud)igger(-ud) _

 

Hux scowled at the missed target. “Damn it,” he whispered.

 

“That was really close. You’re good at that, Hux.”

 

Hux glared over at Ben, where he sat several yards away on a ratted old quilt. “Don’t patronize me, Organa,” he snapped. “I missed.”

 

“But you were really close.”

 

“Close isn’t good enough.”

 

Ben got that look on his face. The one Hux was starting to categorize as ‘I, Ben Organa-Solo, was never taught to respect people’s boundaries’.

 

“I was, too.”

 

“Shut up, Ben.”

 

“You’re just mad at the arrhythmia.”

 

Hux took a deep breath. “Just… let me be mad for a little bit. Can you do that for me?”

 

Ben shrugged. “Sure. Be as mad as you want. Just aim it at the thing you’re actually mad at.”

 

Hux rolled onto his side to glare at Ben more efficiently. “Oh, sure. I’ll do that. I’ll get screaming, incoherently angry at my own heartbeat. What a great idea.”

 

“If it makes you feel better.”

 

“Go fuck yourself.”

 

Ben laughed like sunshine. The skin graft on his face was healing well, leaving a shiny pink slash that Ben said itched like hell. Unfairly, it seemed to only make his features even more appealing.

 

Unfair. That was the word. Life was unfair. There was no justice in the fact that Hux’s choice to follow what his heart wanted out into the cold had cursed him with a literally broken heart. At least it wasn’t figurative, too. Yet.

 

“Hey,” said Ben. “I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that your heart never gets figuratively broken. Got that, Hux?”

 

Hux snorted. “That’s not how reality works.”

 

The look that flashed across Ben’s face was almost terrifying in its intensity. “I will  _ make _ it work that way.”

 

“You’re such a child, sometimes.”

 

Ben flashed a smile, his mood as mercurial as ever. “You’re getting freckles.” Hux rolled his eyes, but Ben plowed forward like a rancor. “They’re like little copper sun-kisses on your face.”

 

_ I’m jealous. The sun has kissed you more recently than I have. _

 

Hux suddenly felt hyper-aware of his body, laying on the grass, propped up on one elbow. He still had one hand on the blaster rifle, but the other had trailed back, lower, to trace his fingers against his own ribs. The sleeves of the too-loose shirt he’d been given were rolled up to his elbows. Sunlight filtered down through leaves to dapple golden light and blue shadows on his skin. His head was tipped back and slightly to one side; he’d just been trying to get a better look at Ben, but the movement had exposed his throat, tugged the edge of the shirt down to show his collarbone.

 

And over there, a few endlessly far meters away, was Ben, his eyes wide and dark and drinking in Hux. The motion to bite and tease at his own lip looked unconscious.

 

Hux knew that Ben liked him,  _ desired _ him, even. It was the reason he was here, that they were both here. Still, seeing it so plainly, in open air and daylight, and so freely given… it was a little overwhelming. Just a little too much for Hux to deal with in the moment.

 

So Hux told his lips to sneer, his eyes to look away, his voice to say something mocking, something barbed that would hurt Ben just enough to give Hux a little bit of space. “What an idiot you are, Ben,” he said. “You can’t focus on a single thought for long enough to see it through. I bet it’s because you live in other people’s heads all the time; the noise would probably make _anyone_ seem scatter-brained.”

 

Hux kept his eyes down, examining the rifle, his hands now fiddling with the scope. Ben was quiet, and Hux started going over the rifle’s specifications in his head, the numbers hopefully enough to keep Ben from looking deeper. He had no such luck, however. He head Ben shift, his movements rustling against the grass until he was next to Hux, shoulder against shoulder. Hux could feel Ben’s long, warm body radiating heat next to him.

 

“I don’t, actually.”

 

Hux shot a look at him. Ben’s expression was earnest. “You don’t what?”

 

“Live in other people’s heads.”

 

Hux scoffed and shook his head. “Ben, I’ve seen for myself what-”

 

“It’s just you.”

 

That made Hux look at him again, sharper, frowning. “What?”

 

Ben smiled. Hux was beginning to categorize his smiles. He had several. This one was a little sad and shy and wistful. The last time he had seen it was that morning together on Coruscant.

 

“Reading minds is… not something that all Force-users can do. And it doesn’t come easily. It takes a lot of training and discipline. Even for those who are good at it, it takes concentration to use, most of the time. I can’t just read anyone’s mind whenever I want to. It takes effort. Most people, I would have to… use force to get more than their surface thoughts. Some people I can’t read at all. I-” He lifted a hand to twirl a piece of Hux’s hair between his fingers. “It wasn’t until the second time we met that I realized I was hearing your thoughts without even trying. In fact…” The smile grew slightly sadder. “It would take a great deal of effort for me to  _ not _ hear what you are thinking.”

 

Hux was no mind-reader in any capacity, but he was good at reading people. Ben was a little bit afraid. He was afraid that in knowing this, Hux would hate him, would want to be as far away as possible. Yet he still shared it, this small part of himself.

 

“Have you heard of anything like this happening before?” Hux asked.

 

“I asked Luke,” said Ben. “He told me that there were some very old stories. Legends, really, among the Jedi. He doesn’t know what histories the Sith kept.”

 

“Hmmm.” Hux shifted his weight slightly. “Does distance affect this… thing between us?”

 

Ben’s expression went blank. Well, that was no good. Hux lifted his hand to Ben’s shoulder, then ran it across his back to the other shoulder, pulling the two men together.  _ How much of me can you see if we are closer? _

 

Hux let himself smile, and received one in return. Ben opened his mouth. “I don’t really kn-”

  
“Shut up, Ben,” Hux whispered against his lips. They both erased the last of the space between. They savored each other, there in the sunlight, beneath the sky so blue. The day was infinite, and Hux found he didn’t mind the way his heart beat strangely, now. Not when Ben burned kisses into his ribs so fondly.


	5. When all the seas are dry and the rocks melt with the suns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tamer of dark butterflies!  
> Tamer of dark stars!  
> I’ll make my way until the  
> universe can fit inside  
> My heart!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: I cried while writing this chapter. Not like a little watery-eyes. No. Full-on tears with sobbing.

“Sorry I’m late. It took me forever to find a suitable basket.”

 

“A suitable...basket?”

 

“I thought we could go for a picnic!”

 

Hux leveled a steely gaze. “It’s your last day here before you leave for Coruscant. Shouldn’t you be packing?”

 

Ben shrugged. “I already finished. There really wasn’t much to pack, anyway. My clothes are still in the penthouse there.”

 

Hux finished lacing up his boots and stood to face Ben. The last few days had been bizarre, to say the least. As Hux had begun exploring more and more of the Resistance base, he had found it harder and harder to avoid people. And that had led to a very unsettling situation for Hux.

 

Everyone was _friendly_ to him.

 

It was downright unnerving to be greeted with smiles and waves and “How’s your morning going, Red?” and jovial claps on the back. At first, Hux thought it was just everyone trying to make a good impression on Ben Organa, son of the General, but the air of camaraderie continued when Hux was on his own, wandering shooting ranges and cafeterias. In fact, they seemed even _nicer_ when Ben wasn’t around. To be honest, Hux had no idea how to react to any of this. It was drastically different from how he had ever been treated in his life. So he ignored it.

 

That made Ben give him a strange look, but that was alright.

 

The two of them walked through a hangar, pilots and crew working on their speeders and X-wings, droids beeping and getting underfoot. Ben had both of his hands occupied carrying the large wicker basket (No, Hux, _I’ll_ carry it, and you carry the blanket) its lid held in place with a white ribbon. Hux, as usual, ignored all of the other people they passed. This time however, he came across a familiar face.

 

“FN… Finn,” Hux said, nodding to the former stormtrooper. The man dropped the wrench he’d been wielding and smiled brightly.

 

“Hey there, General.” The way Finn said the title sounded more like an affectionate nickname than anything else. Hux had the wild thought that Finn had adapted well to the Resistance, while Hux was still struggling, even though only a day or two separated their… betrayals.

 

“Well, he didn’t have to spend time in the med-wing,” Ben supplied, answering his thoughts as usual. Finn looked slightly confused.

 

“Just ignore him,” Hux said. “He’s an idiot. Actually… “ He looked at the two of them. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask both of you. I saw the security footage. Ben, you picked a random stormtrooper out of the hallway and brought him here. Why?”

 

Ben laughed, and Finn looked a bit embarrassed. “That’s an easy one,” Ben said. “Finn is Force-sensitive.”

 

Hux stared at Ben, and then at Finn. Finn shrugged, his expression one of not-quite-disbelief. “So he keeps telling me.”

 

Ben sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically. “I keep trying to convince him to go train with Luke, but…” His smile grew mischievous. “He doesn’t seem to want to leave behind a certain _ace pilot_.”

 

Finn’s eyes grew wide, and his shoulders hunched as if to make himself smaller. He ran his hands along the leather jacket he wore. “You know?” Finn whispered.

 

“Finn. Buddy. _Everyone_ knows. Hux could tell within two seconds of seeing the two of you together, even if he misinterpreted it.” He winked at Hux.

 

“So…” Finn seemed to be shrinking into himself. “Poe knows?”

 

“Oh. No,” Ben laughed. “Everyone but him. Poe is one of my best friends and one of the most naturally flirtatious humans in the galaxy, but he’s as perceptive as a brick wall when it comes to things like this. Less, actually.”

 

“Oh,” Finn sighed. “Good.”

 

“You should tell him.”

 

Ben and Finn both turned to stare at Hux. The former General cursed his fading self-discipline. He hadn't meant to speak. “It does neither of you any good to constrict communication. If you don’t say anything, this will continue to hang over your head until it negatively affects you, possibly at a crucial moment. Just tell him how you feel.”

 

Hux turned on his heel and marched away, his face burning. Then he realized he was going the wrong way. Head held high, he executed a perfect, crisp about-face and marched right past the two gaping men towards the hangar door. After a few moments, Ben caught up to him.

 

“Shut the fuck up, Organa.”

 

“I didn’t say anything.” His voice was laughing.

 

The sun was climbing up the sky as the two of them climbed the low hill behind the base. Hux wasn’t used to this much sunshine. The only planet he had spent much of his life on had been Arkanis, famous for being rainy and dreary. After his first day outside here on D’Qar had resulted in red skin and blisters, Doj had handed Hux a tube full of lotion and told him to wear it on any exposed skin whenever he went outside. That lotion had been very helpful, and Hux felt oddly like he wanted to find a way to thank the man.

 

“You could just say ‘thank you’ to him. It would probably make his day.”

 

Another peculiarity. Hux was growing used to Ben’s near-constant commentary on his thoughts. To the point where he expected it. To the point where he was dreading Ben’s departure for Coruscant and having to deal with silence. Ben didn’t offer commentary on that thought.

 

They reached the top of the hill, a wide tree shading the area. “Spread the blanket out for us to sit on,” Ben said.

 

Hux bristled. “I know what a picnic is.” Even if he’d never had one himself.

 

Ben set the basket down with a grunt and Hux flattened out the blanket. “It’s a nice day, today,” Ben said quietly.

 

Hux looked up at him. Ben’s eyes were on the horizon, taking in the green and the gleam of the nearby lake. His hair was getting longer, Hux noted. And while Hux’s complexion was suffering on this planet, Ben looked better than ever, brightness in his dark eyes and skin glowing in the light.

 

Ben’s attention snapped to Hux and he grinned. “Before we eat,” he said. “I have a surprise for you.”

 

“Is it a spreadsheet of all the ways I’ve ever thought about physically injuring you? I already have one, thanks.”

 

Ben’s eyes were gleaming as he knelt next to the basket. “Come. Sit.” Hux sighed loudly to make sure that Ben knew he was only doing this under duress and sat on the blanket, folding his legs beneath himself. “Close your eyes.”

 

Hux sighed again. “Fine.” And closed his eyes.

 

“I’ll know if you peek.”

 

“Was your brain’s growth stunted at the age of nine? I won’t look.”

 

“Good. Hold out your hands.”

 

Hux pretended he didn’t enjoy the feeling of Ben’s hands moving his into position.

 

“Here.”

 

It was small. And warm. And... vibrating?

 

Hux opened his eyes to a fluffy blue-eyed creature whose fur matched the color of his own sun-bleached hair.

 

“I found her in a back alley of Coruscant not long after I met you. She was alone, and too young to survive on her own. Poe’s been taking care of her for me, but I want you to have her." Ben gave him a shy smile.

 

Hux was still staring at the thing. “What… what’s it doing? Why is it vibrating like that? Is it sick?”

 

Ben chuckled. “She’s purring. It means she’s happy.”

 

“Happy?” Hux examined the thing dubiously. “Why?”

 

Ben shrugged. “She likes you.”

 

Carefully, like the creature was made of spun glass, Hux brought his hands closer to his chest to get a better look. “So… what am I supposed to do with it?”

 

Ben cocked his head. “Never had a pet before?”

 

Hux shook his head. “No… I… “ He shut that thought down, locked it up fast before it rose to the surface. Ben could have his other thoughts, but not that one.

 

Ben flinched, a confused look on his face. “It’s alright, Hux,” he said, his voice soft and low. “I didn’t see it. Whatever it was.”

 

Hux breathed out a quiet sigh. “I just… “ He cleared his throat and cradled the fluffy animal to his chest. It blinked up at him and let out a soft _mewl._

 

“Poe can show you how to take care of her. It should be pretty easy, now that she’s a bit bigger.”

 

The tiny thing had lifted its front two paws to Hux’s shirt. He could feel minuscule pinpricks of claws through the thin fabric. “How much bigger is it going to get?”

 

Ben gave a uneven shrug. “Probably… about this big.” He held his hands out about as wide as Hux’s shoulders. “More or less.”

 

Another little _mew_ , and Hux couldn’t help but tip his head down to brush his nose against its pointed ears. “Does it have a name?”

 

A very peculiar look passed over Ben’s face. “Um. Yes. But you can change it if you want. I named her before…” his words trailed off into quiet mumbles.

 

“Before what, Ben.”

 

Ben’s expression grew slightly pained. “Before I realized how much I was picking up from your mind without noticing.”

 

Hux lifted his head and glared. “What did you name it, Organa?”

 

“Millicent.”

 

_Elan was four years old. The house was quiet. He opened the door in the dark and tip-toed across the room. She didn’t look like much to him. A bundle of blankets and a squishy face. Her breathing was quiet, but kind of stuffy. It made him think of when he had a sore throat once. “I’m a lot older than you,” he whispered. “So don’t think I’m going to just let you take over, here.” He thought back over his lessons. “No funny business. I’ll be really mad if you lead a mutiny or assasspinate me.” Satisfied that she understood how things would work between the two of them, he nodded at her. “At ease, soldier.” He went back to bed._

 

_Elan was five years old. The Empire had fallen. Father, no, the Commandant was always angry, now. He was angry before, to, but he’d hidden it better. Sometimes he would yell loud enough to make her cry. Elan hated when she cried. It made his head hurt worse than the Commandant’s raised voice._

 

_Elan was six years old. She always coughed. It was ragged, tearing at her slight body. She weighed less than the cryotransistor Hux had carried across the house, once. When people talked about her, their faces were very long and sad._

 

_Elan was seven years old. He read the engraving on the small stone plinth in front of him for the one hundred twenty-first time._

 

_Millicent Lar Hux 3 ABY - 7 ABY_

 

“... So sorry…” Ben was saying. He was kneeling in front of Hux, his face pleading, his hands held out open in supplication. He really was groveling, Hux realized. It wasn't as satisfying as Hux would have hoped.

 

“Stop that sniveling.” Hux bit out the words like they stung his mouth. “I was just… surprised.” He looked away from Ben, down into innocent blue eyes.

 

“Millicent is… acceptable. Barely.” He risked a glance at Ben. “Millie for short.”

 

Ben smiled. Hux’s heart hurt. He should have that checked on when they got back to the base.

 

“I… Ben…” Hux had to clear his throat and sniffle. There was probably something in the damn air here that he was sensitive to. “She’s… she’s perfect.”

 

There were arms around him, now. Strong arms that promised to hold him up. Hux believed that promise. At least, he believed it enough for the moment, enough to let himself fall apart a little. He pressed his face to Ben’s shoulder, careful of Millicent. A small, helpless sigh escaped him.

 

“Hux,” Ben whispered. “I… I just want you to not feel lonely.” _I know that if I’m not next to you, you might not talk to anyone else. Even if they really want you to. Don’t lock yourself away, please?_

 

With no small degree of alarm, Hux felt the tears begin, stinging at his eyes and dampening Ben’s shirt. He cried, there in Ben’s arms, trusting that the big idiot would hold the pieces so he could put himself back together. Hux hadn’t cried like this since he was a small child, not since the fifty-ninth time he read Millicent’s name carved into stone. His entire body was shaking, and he couldn’t seem to stop.

 

“You don’t need to stop.”

  
As if adding her agreement, Millicent _mewed_ and ran a rough sandpaper tongue over his thumb. That made two. Two whole living things that Hux knew for certain cared about him. That was more than enough. It was an abundance. A fortune. Wealth beyond Hux’s wildest dreams. No King or Emperor could ever aspire to have so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ow, my heart.
> 
> I'm gonna take a small break from the Red Wolf 'verse. Like between four and fourteen days. I already have the next fic (Like A Falcon In The Dive) outlined and three scenes done (one in the beginning, one in the middle, and one at the end. nice.) so there's no way I'm abandoning these sweetheart losers. I just need to step back and work on some other things for a bit. The ones I'm for sure going to write and post:
> 
> Monstrosity: a really, really dark horror one-shot that takes place after TFA. I was brainstorming ideas for plot stuff in Red Wolf and came up with this idea. It's way to dark to put in Red Wolf, so it's its own thing.
> 
> The House of Paper Bones: I hate that I came up with the idea for this one. and by the time I post chapter three of it, you guys are gonna hate me, too. It's an AU where the original trilogy happened a little bit differently, and Kylo's gonna be the primary point-of-view character. Eventually.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the kind comments and feedback! They make me wish I could put Red Wolf on my resume.


End file.
